FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
GERALD G. JAMPOLSKY, M.D.
Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is the vehicle for changing our perceptions and letting go of our fears, condemning judgments and grievances.
We need to remind ourselves constantly that love is the only reality there is. Anything we perceive that does not mirror Love is a misperception. Forgiveness, then, becomes the means for correcting our misperceptions; it allows us to see only the Love in others and ourselves, and nothing else.
Through selective forgetting, through taking off the tinted glasses that superimpose the fearful past upon the present, we can begin to know that the truth of Love is forever present and that by perceiving only Love we can experience happiness. Forgiveness then becomes a process of letting go and overlooking whatever we thought other people may have done to us, or whatever we may think we have done to them.
When we cherish grievances we allow our mind to be fed by fear and we become imprisoned by these distortions. When we see our only function as forgiveness, and are willing to practice it consistently by directing our minds to be forgiving, we will find ourselves released and set free. Forgiveness corrects the misperception that we are separate from each other, and allows us to experience a sense of unity and at-one-ment with each other.
Forgiveness, as defined here, is different from the way most of us have been trained to understand it. forgiveness does not mean assuming a position of superiority and putting up with or tolerating behavior in another person that we do not like. Forgiveness means correcting our misperception that the other person harmed us.
The unforgiving mind, contrasted with the forgiving mind, is confused, afraid and full of fear. It is certain of the interpretation it places on its perceptions of others. It is certain of the justification of its anger and the correctness of its condemning judgment. The unforgiving mind rigidly sees the past and future as the same and is resistant to change. It does not want the future to be different from the past. The unforgiving mind sees itself as innocent and others as guilty. It thrives on conflict and on being right, and it sees inner peace as its enemy. It perceives everything as separate.
Whenever I see someone else as guilty, I am reinforcing my own sense of guilt and unworthiness. I can not forgive myself unless I am willing to forgive others. It does not matter what I think anyone has done to me in the past or what I think I may have done. Only through forgiveness can my release from guilt and fear be complete.
Example:
The following is a pesonal vignette that demonstrates some principles about grievances and forgiveness.
One morning my secretary brought in a huge pile of bills. She reminded me that my income was down because of the increasing amount of time I was spending on a non-fee basis. She said there was a man who owed me $500 for services rendered to his daughter the previous year, and reminded me how well and quickly his daughter had responded to working with me. Then she said that she was tired of sending the bill and suggested I send it to a collection agency.
I told her I had never sent a bill to a collection agency, and didn't plan to do that now, but I would give some thought to the matter. As I looked at the unpaid bills I owed, I began to feel what I thought was justified anger, and I felt I had a legitimate grievance. After all, I had done my part, and he and his daughter had benefited from working with me. I knew the father could well afford to pay the fee, and began to think he was a louse for not paying. I made up my mind to phone him that afternoon.
While mediating on my daily lesson from A Coure in Miracles, which was "Forgiveness is the key to happiness," a picture of this man who owed me money came across my mind. I heard an inner voice state that I was to let go of the past and my attachment to the money. I was to practice forgiveness and heal my relationship with him.
So I phoned him. I told him about my meditation and my decision to send no more bills. I told him of my past anger and of my determination not to retain it. I said I was call to heal our relationship, and that the money was no longer an issue. There was a long pause before he said, "Well, if I don't pay your bill, certainly God is not going to,"
I said I thought it important to let go of the money issue and the anger I had felt toward him regarding the bill. I told him I was releasing myself from the thought that he hard hurt me in any way.
There was another silence, and his voice became warm and loving. He thanked me for phoning and then to my surprise he said he would mail the check next week (which he did).
The next hour I saw a mother of an eleven-year-old girl who had cancer of the spine and was a member of one of our groups at the Center. The mother had been receiving public assistance, but because of many complexities was not able to obtain money throught this or other channels. Her car had been repaired and was waiting for her at the garage, but she could not pay the $70 repair bill. Because of her car problem, she had missed essential appointments for her daughter's chemotherapy treatments. My inner voice said, "Give her the $70 since you have just found money that you thought you didn't have" When I did this, I experienced inner peace. I continue to be impressed by how quickly I experience inner peace when I let go of my attachment to the past belief that someone is guilty and someone is innocent.
Today I choose to let go of all my past misperceptions about myself and others. Instead, I will join with everyone and say: I see you and myself only in the light of true forgiveness.